


Rage

by PurpleStarsGoFar



Series: Emotional Realities [1]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Anger, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Animal Death, Burning alive, Crying, Death, Delusions, DreamSMP - Freeform, Emotional Hurt, Emotions, Established Relationship, Fear, Fire, Forehead Kisses, Gay, Gen, Georgenap, Gore, Hearing Voices, M/M, Minecraft, Multi, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Not Really Character Death, OT3, Poly, Polyamory, Sapnotfound - Freeform, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Video Game Mechanics, Violence, dream - Freeform, dream team, dreamnap, dreamnotfound, dreamnotnap, dreamwastaken - Freeform, georgenotfound - Freeform, poly dream team, sapnap - Freeform, smoke inhalation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:20:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28941354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleStarsGoFar/pseuds/PurpleStarsGoFar
Summary: Sapnap is quite hot-headed, even if he's started getting better at dealing with it. It's not something you can change over night, and even with George and Dream's help he finds himself getting so mad sometimes...So mad that reality becomes a thing of the past and he wakes up with the world around him burning.He doesn't know why it happens, but he hates it so much, it always feels like mental torture.---Mostly Sapnap angst with a bit of Poly Dream Team---EXTREME TW; Please dont read if you're sensitive to animal death, death in general, animal murder, gore, self hatred, intrusive thoughts, burning alive, extreme amounts of fire, and things related to it!
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: Emotional Realities [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2122686
Comments: 1
Kudos: 128





	Rage

It started simple enough.

Simply working with the animals on their farm, counting the number of animals in each pen. Even if his attention span betrayed him every now and again, he got the job done relatively fast.

Then he was off to get the animals' food and he had to go over to the barn for that. Walking around without armor on was a feeling that he wasn't very used to after having his netherite on for so long the past few days. A part of him missed the warmth and pressure caused by his armor's constant usage because it comforted him, oddly enough. The only thing that probably rivaled it being George and Dream's hugs.

He slid open the barn's door, entering the wooden building and immediately looking around, specifically for the wheat, seeing as all the other types of their livestock had a pretty good amount of food left other than the cows.

" _Wheat, wheat, wheat..._ " he repeated to himself under his breath, looking around the barn for the last place he had put it.

His breath became heavy as he searched through the building.

" _W-where is?-_ "

Okay, he needed to calm himself. He knows what will happen if he stresses himself over this. _Calm,_ Sapnap, _calm._

He must've just put it in a different place than the one he was used to, easy! He'll just check every area till finds the right chest!

The man walked further into the barn, opening another chest and letting air out of his system shakily. _Carrots,_ not wheat.

He checked another, _apples._

He bit his bottom lip, frustration rising. He rushed through chest after chest, flinging the lids open with an unneeded force that likely broke atleast a few of them. He'd replace it later, this was far more important.

He felt a growl leave the back of his throat as he squeezed his eyes shut.

' _Calm down!_ ' His thoughts told him reasonably.

" ** _I'm trying..._** " he responded through clenched teeth.

' _It'll be okay!_ '

" ** _I don't believe that..._** " his brows furrowed.

Sapnap opened his eyes and the world around him seemed nonexistent, land around him had turned to pitch black and he froze. Not again, _not **again.**_ A loud bang rang through his head and reality around him bent in an instant.

\---

The barn around him was burning. The walls are almost completely destroyed, revealing the now red sky. The smell of burnt wood and smoke stung in his nose as ash made his eyes tear up. He heard the pained screams and cries of nearby animals, those of which he could only assume are the animals he had been counting earlier.

_He knew what this meant._

He immediately ran to the barn's door, pushing the flaming wood down and stepping back a bit out of instinct and self-preservation when it landed. The man took a second to mentally prepare before jumping over the wood and rushing to the animal pens.

He froze at the sight when he got to it.

The smell of burning flesh and blood hit his nostrils, an unwelcome addition to the smoke that already tormented his senses. The sight of the animals' burning corpses horrified him, open bones and organs revealing themselves just long enough to stamp their image into his memory before bright embers encapsulated them and turned them into nothing.

_He had to get out of here._

He coughed as he ran down the trail, air severely contaminated and ruining his capability to properly breathe.

" _No, no, no, no, no! Where are they?! Where **are** they!?_"

Tears streamed down his eyes due to a mixture of fear, panic, and smoke. His throat felt like it was burning from the inside out as he rushed out of the farm and down the path.

It was so **_horrifying._ **He couldn't understand why this was happening and he knows he can't stay here too long or he risks more damage being done in his true reality.

But a part of him found it too beautiful to refuse. A part of him found it so hauntingly magnificent. Isn't this is _exactly_ what he had wanted for so long? He could hear the call of the fire, the _warmth_ of its embrace, and its comforting words. _He wanted to allow it to spread._ It was so _proud_ of him and he wanted to walk into the flames and burn alive to add to its ever-growing source of fuel.

The feeling of his flesh burning away and the terrible pain that would occur would mean nothing once he was gone, and the beauty would have yet another sacrifice to help it expand! He knows it would take away all the anger and pain and sadness he had ever felt...

But he knows that part of him isn't right and was delusional. He knew he could still stop himself from letting it get that bad, atleast for the time being.

His shoes stomped down on the dirt path that led back home with force. He needs to find them, and fast. But **_where_** were they last?...

He could hear the flames behind him grow in size at the concept of looking for something again. Frustration made him want to snap even further and give up, but he _knew_ the consequences and he wouldn't allow it without a fight, _not again._

_He had to keep the damage as minimal as possible._

And with that, he ran faster. Ignoring the searing of his lungs and tears in his eyes he pushed through the living nightmare. He needs to think clearly, _what did they say they were doing today?_

He normally could remember anything related to Dream and George with ease but this time he was too angry and scared to be able to think straight enough and grab onto his thoughts.

He felt his body losing its capacity to go any further. He knew he had to keep going, he couldn't fail everyone like this! What would everyone think? Would they see him as a _monster?_ Would they see him as a _murderer?_ An uncontrollable force that **_knew_** what it was doing and is only using this **_unbelievable situation_** as a _**lie**_ to fake innocence?

_He couldn't fail._

The world was flooded in reds, he looked down to his hands, feeling something wrong. His once clear palms were now completely stained in fresh blood and his nails started to hurt. _He could only internally pray that whatever he was hurting wasn't human._

" _DREAM! GEORGE!_ "

His voice was disgustingly hoarse. It was painful to speak. Each particle of air that entered his system felt like acid forcing itself deeper into his throat. He kept going, he couldn't burn. No matter what, he _couldn't **burn.**_

He called for his lovers again, desperately hoping that his calls were echoing into his real-world actions, whatever he was doing in reality was unknown to him, and he hated it.

" ** _HELP ME!!!_** "

His head pounded, pain overpowering his senses and ruining his ability to move quickly.

Suddenly he saw two figures running down the path towards him, one bright green and the other bright blue, the only other colors he had been able to see since he had appeared in this hellscape, and the colors that promised him an escape from it.

" ** _SAPNAP!!!_** " Dream shouted.

" ** _SAPNAP WE'RE HERE!!!_** "

" ** _HELP ME IT'S SO CLOSE!!_** " Sapnap collapsed.

" _ **JUST HOLD ON!**_ " Dream's arms were already out to grab the other despite the open space between them.

" ** _PLEASE, HURRY!!!!_** " Sapnap began weakly crawling forward, the waving flames touching his foot.

" _FUCK!_ " Dream shouted as he did a blocking motion.

_He was fighting back. No. No, no, no, **no,** **no, FUCK!**_

George seemed to pull out an item in response to whatever he was doing. Sapnap was terrified as he watched the two avoid him.

" _Guys, please don't le **A-**_ " his words were cut short by another sentence forcing itself out. " ** _GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!_** "

That's when he turned around, seeing one of his legs fully engulfed in heat. Adrenaline set in and he forced himself up to run from it.

" _I DIDN'T MEAN THAT!!!_ "

" _WE KNOW, SAPNAP!_ " George responded.

" _GEORGE, YOU **KNOW** WHAT TO DO!_"

Sapnap turned to Dream and felt the air suddenly get knocked out of him. He hit the floor hard and fast before beginning to be dragged away from the wall of fire.

Happy tears flooded his eyes as the world around him slowly faded to black once more.

\---

" _You stay here while I go and assess the damage._ "

" _Alright!_ "

Sapnap came back to relatively quickly, perhaps due to the sheer guilt that filled his being for having an episode like this after he had done so well for so long. Tears streamed down his face as he looked up, a concerned George returned the eye contact as he untied the ropes that he'd lassoed the other with.

" _I-I'm so... s-sorry..._ "

"I-it's okay," George replied, pulling Sapnap up into a strong hug, "it's okay, _you're_ okay."

Sapnap weakly lifted his arms to hug George back, staining the other's soft blue shirt with the red of animal's blood. His hands itched to cause more damage to something, _anything,_ even _George,_ but he finally had enough control over himself to not let that happen.

" _How... how much?..._ "

"I uh," George took a shaking breath and gulped, "I'm not _exactly_ sure, not yet, atleast, but we'll probably have to rebuild some parts of it together if I were to guess." He chuckled, trying to lessen the other's sadness.

" _I tried so hard..._" Sapnap choked on his tears, " _I'm so **useless...**_ "

"No, no, Sapnap, _honey,_ " George pulled away from the hug to be able to look the other in the eyes.

Sapnap immediately felt a bit better as he stared at the caring expression of the other, but his heart still hurt. George gently put a hand on each of his cheeks and used his thumbs to clear away some of Sapnap's tears.

George rarely showed this type of tender care unless it was a circumstance such as this. A part of Sapnap felt disgusting and selfish for making George show this side of himself, positive that George would probably much rather act uncaring and not show vulnerability to any other living creature.

"You _aren't_ useless, _alright?_ "

Sapnap simply blinked in response with a sad smile. In a perfect world, he would believe those words _immediately_ and bounce back to his lighthearted and chill self, but this world wasn't perfect, and _no,_ it wasn't imperfect because of what the voice in the back of his head said. It was imperfect because that's how the world **_works._** If it was perfect it wouldn't be authentic enough to be considered a true reality, _would it?_

" _You can say that, George..._ "

"Then what would I have to do to prove it to you?"

" _...I have no fucking idea, dude. I'm just... useless..._ "

George's soft look altered in response, eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly and gentle frown falling into one that was more serious.

"Sapnap I cannot accept that answer, I'm afraid."

" _And why's that?_"

"Because it's simply false, _that's_ why!" George's voice raised and he seemed to be genuinely offended, "Allowing you to call yourself that would be making me a **_failure_** of a boyfriend and I'm _sure_ Dream would agree!"

" _Dream is off cleaning **my** mess, George._"

"And you know what?!" George pressed his forehead against Sapnap's, "That doesn't disprove a **_THING_** I just said! You are _**NOT**_ useless!"

"And **_where's_** your evidence, _Mr. Fact Boy?_ " Sapnap spat back, he was much more bark than bite and both knew that.

"You wanna sit here for a **_fucking_** hour cuz' I'll fucking list that shit **right _now,_** Sapnap, _don't **test** me!_"

" _Ha!_ " Sapnap glared, " **Bet.** "

"You're amazing at PvP, no question about it. If you put your mind to it and focus there's no questioning that you'll at least almost win if you don't just win plainly basically every time."

" _I-_ "

"Your sense of humor may sometimes be completely obscure but to those who know you, _such as Dream and myself,_ it makes complete sense and is _absolutely_ hilarious."

" _Wh-_ "

"You're very warm, it makes the times when we cuddle as a group even _more_ comfortable!"

" _Geor-_ "

"You're very good at taking care of the livestock! Even after today! It's only one stain on a _very long,_ and _very clean,_ track record!"

" _Du-_ "

"You're _extremely_ pretty and your lips are _very_ soft," George couldn't help himself from smiling at that one.

" _Oh my God-_" Sapnap sputtered.

"And you're _very_ good at cheering both me and Dream up when we're upset!"

" _George-_ "

"You may be a bit reckless at times but it has allowed us to do things we might've never gotten the chance to do!-"

" _George, I get ittttt!!!_ " Sapnap whined loudly in embarrassment.

He couldn't help but blush at the other's words. He was trying so hard to be mad at himself but he just _couldn't,_ his brain wouldn't allow him to focus on all the pent up rage he held about himself and others when George sat mere inches in front of him and was singing the gayest fucking praises he had ever heard about himself in a way only _George_ could sing them.

"You are so fucking annoying," he huffed.

"Am I now?~" George gave the other a gentle kiss on the forehead before looking in the direction of the barn and smiling, " _Dream!_ "

"Hi," Dream smiled dorkishly before turning to Sapnap and immediately recognizing the expression he was given by the other, "You're _ALREADY_ flirting without me?!"

"He wasn't listening to me when I told him he wasn't useless! What _else_ am I supposed to do?!" George squinted at the other.

"Well, I guess that _IS_ the smartest response," Dream sat down on the dirt trail next to the other two.

The tallest pulled one of George's hands off of Sapnap's cheek and lightly kissed the revealed skin, making sure to pull away just in time to see Sapnap's face flustered, annoyed, and slightly amused by the care he was getting from the others, Dream knows Sapnap couldn't hide that smile even if he tried his hardest.

"You calmed down now?" He asked Sapnap.

Sapnap opened his mouth, ready to say that he actually was before he remembered the fact that Dream was the only one to really _see_ the damage he had caused before.

Of course, Sapnap did still see the damage in an odd way, he just wouldn't _really_ see it until days or weeks later in a flashback that will inevitably send him into a panic attack.

" _How bad was it?..._ "

Dream's face fell partially, leaving him with a half-humorous cringe. "I mean, the nearest flint and steel was in a chest near the animals, so you didn't _actually_ burn the barn! Just kinda broke a bunch of the stuff inside! The... _animals,_ unfortunately, didn't _exactly_ meet the same fate..."

Sapnap sighed and looked down to his hands, a mixture of feathers and fur stuck under his messy nails, stained with blood.

"Some of them seemed to be killed by you?... Others burned alive while trapped in the pens... But who the hell cares about that?! At least you're _okay_ and nobody got hurt!"

"I _guess..._ "

"Let's get back home, yeah?" Dream placed a gentle hand on Sapnap's shoulder, "I think we _all_ need some rest."

"Oh, of course," George replied, "Do you think you can walk, Pandas?"

Sapnap silently nodded. He still feels bad for what he's done, and he still knows it's likely to happen again, but he also knows Dream and George will always be there to help him throught it, and that does make him feel at least a _little_ better about it all.

\---

A world of red hot rage simply cannot exist on its own. The body cannot handle such stress constantly, it will wear the brain out and leave everything in a state of exhaustion.

For some, the after-effects can be so bad that the person feels _so_ incapable of helping themselves or others, _so_ incapable of getting up and leaving their bedroom, _so_ incapable of communicating or expressing emotion, that they feel _completely..._ and _utterly..._

**_Alone._ **


End file.
